Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize