perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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