we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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