You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
