Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
