You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
