I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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