somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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