I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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