i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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