if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
