stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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