If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
