My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
As shirtless as possible
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
