i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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