So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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