I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
