am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You may now shotgun with the bride
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
