i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
