you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
