I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
