Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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