I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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