Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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