Just fell off a train. Bad.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Come see our sink grown plant.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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