i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We need to rekindle our bromance
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I stole a fireplace last night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
