Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
