Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
