I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
