You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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