Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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