Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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