at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
