Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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