You just made me feel so damn special
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
