You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Terrible idea I love it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
