So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
