I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
