Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He shit in the fireplace
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