What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize