every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This gyro tastes like lonliness
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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