so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
