what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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