Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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