i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
