I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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