So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
