please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
