atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
