I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
