I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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