4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
