oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
