i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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