trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
