It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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