I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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