Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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