also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
