I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
