there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just invented taco cereal.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
