I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
