i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
