The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it was like eating out sand paper
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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