she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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