he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You've changed since you got that strap on
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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