well you can't waste a boner
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
