we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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