Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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