they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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