we're chasing vodka with high fives
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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