it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
