i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
